Out for a walk around the delightful Hertfordshire vilage of Standon over the weekend, we called in for a cuppa at The Star Inn.

On its ancient dark brown oak beams were a series of strange inscriptions.

The landlord translated them for me.

'Noddy. 48oz. 28/10/03' means that on the 28th of October 2003, Noddy polished off a 48-oz. steak. The many beams in the pub's three rooms are rapidly filling up with these inscriptions as more and more people attempt to get their names added.

Apparently this was a tradition that grew up in Northamptonshire many years ago, which the landlord brought with him. It began in the hotels and pubs of Northampton. The landlord writes up the achievements of his diners with a white emulsion pen.

It seems that the 48-oz. eaters regard 32-oz steaks as 'very much second division stuff' - 'not in our league'.

The tradition in Northamptonshire was that if you finished off your steak - and its accompanying chips, side orders etc. - then you ate for free. But leaving even one chip meant you paid the full price.

I am given to understand that many of the men who take part in what may be described as these 'eating contests' are in fact young lads who have been metric-only educated.

It's hard to understand why a modern landlord would still use these 'Fred Flinstone Units'.

But, more seriously, I have now read the preamble to the new proposed European Constitution. This states that 'it is the will of the European people' that there should be ever-closer and eventually full European integration.

That being so, i.e the democratically expressed will of the people, I'll be doing the decent thing at 9.00 on Monday morning and will inform the appropriate authority, namely Hertfordshire Trading Stanndards Department, of this clear breach of the spirit of 'our' new Constitution

Give the twisted minds of the Euro bureaucrats enough time, and they'll probably decree that these inscriptions violate EU directives on units of measurements used for trade.

After all, these trophies on the beam could be taken to be advertising for the size of steaks the restaurant sells, couldn't they?