College Football, America's Rx

August 27, 2004

For most Americans no other sport is quite so addictive as Football. Now just to be clear, that’s Football… not “futbol.” Futbol, or soccer as most of us call it, can be so boring that some fans have ended up pulling out machetes and slashing each other. Of course, that brings us to the obvious question: why would anyone carry a machete to a soccer match? Nonetheless, it happens; even here in the U.S. people have lost their lives at soccer games. Can you imagine the scene back at school. “How did your dad die?” “of cancer.” “How did your dad die?” “in the war.” “How did your dad die?” “…at a soccer match.”?! (from Ike Scotch’s Soccer should be outlawed) And as LT said in The Waterboy, “this brings me to my next point… Don’t smoke crack.” Baseball, the other great American past-time, is not so nearly addictive as it is hypnotic. Often you will see the camera pan the stadium during a baseball game and zoom in on some poor fan who has dropped off into a deep hypnotic trance, or “sleep” as most of us know it. And who knows in how many homes across America the same thing has occurred. Some on the couch, some on the floor, others in easy chairs and some still sitting at the dining room table… all at varying levels of unconsciousness. Now that’s okay if their intent was to relax or read the back of their eyelids. But Football… how many times have you seen someone snoozing in the stands? Maybe once or twice? A 4-month old cradled in its mother’s arms in the 4th quarter of a defensive struggle… at a NFL game? I mean, you have to really reach to come up with one. All across America people are talking, some rather forcefully, about their favorite team. School is back in session and high school football along with it. They are flocking to the stands, the sidelines, and in lawn chairs to display their team pride, cheer their kids or classmates on to victory, scream at the coaches… and eat tons of nachos and hotdogs. This is Football at its purest. However, very little can compare with the pageantry, the traditions, and the uniquely American addiction that is College Football.

I’m convinced that college football is the working man’s recreational drug of choice. With it he experiences the absolute highest of highs and lowest of lows – with lots of confusion in between, but otherwise, no antisocial side-affects. For those able to attend, they will experience the full range of the pageantry and traditions of their respective teams. There they will know everything from the pleasure of tailgating with fans of both teams to the ambience of standing with 70,000 to 115,000 fans singing the national anthem to the excitement of witnessing the game in person… all the smells, tastes, sights, sounds and spirit of the game. For those back at home… very soon now, they will be gathered around that magical tube with the surround sound, sitting in their most comfortable chair, showering their team with blessings one moment and calling down curses the next, devouring their favorite snacks and drinks and all the while guarding the remote control(s) with their very lives. For the next 3½ months they will be enthralled with the game – following their favorite players, tracking the stats, searching the news for any articles of interest, attending/watching as many games as they can and discussing it all constantly with co-workers and friends. Their whole world will revolve about college football. Now that is an addiction, and I should know because… I am a college football junkie.

Go VOLS!!!

A proud member of the BOC VolEnforcement community.