Sorry to hear that it's a mess at the moment, Neesoj!
How about going with the flow for a while? You know many things happen in life and we are so used to that it goes according to our plans, and we work against the acctual change - completely normal since we are being taught to always fight for what we want and how we want it to be - later on after we've lost the battle we kind of can see a meaning with why we weren't supposed to win.
It might lead you into another direction in life, maybe you're not supposed to be where you are right now, maybe you won't feel happy being where you are at this very moment if you should stay.
I can really relate to how you feel at this moment, I can relive the pain when I read your post - it's awful...
As soon as I accepted that life wasn't going to be as I had planned and let go of my own plans and wishes for a while, let things happen without any major influence from me... except that I started rebuilding myself and focusing only on ME, things seemed to just resolve on many levels, as soon as I let go. Not ALL levels
but hey, we are supposed to be here to learn right? (and aren't we learning alright...he, he, he...)
Ok, so you have been over there for 19 years. The world is big, huge... see it as an opportunity to move away, at least for a while. Maybe incidents later in life would take you back to the place where you are living at this moment, but maybe not yet because you are not supposed to be there while healing.
Ok, I do understand that you are awfully "busy" at this time, but I do feel that something will happen soon enough that will make it clear to you to get the idea of what you're supposed to do. But take some time off and let life flow on it's own for just a little while... maybe that is what you could be in great need of for things to get resolved.
I'll give you some advice telapathicly tonight Neesoj, prepare yourself to recive them!
Take Care
Annie_Mich
"I live in a world of my own, but itīs ok - everybody knows me here"
