When I first got to Nam, the country had a lot of wild life - animals, not wild parties!Someone could on a rare occasion, see a tiger or monkeys up in the trees. We even had our gun ships kill an elephant that was transporting supplies for the VC. The jungles were lush and green and the birds were everywhere. The country really looked like a paradise. It was like one of those post card destinations where you would write "wish you were here" on the back of the card. However, as time and the war dragged it’s killing machine across the jungles, it changed forever the entire look of the country. You could see that death-eyed-look everywhere. Trees were killed without guilt, destroyed by chemicals, fires and bombs. You could really see the size of the destruction from helicopters as you flew over these jungle graveyards.
Thousands of acres of lush green rain forest turned into bomb craters. The holes were in neat rows like a highway across the surface of the moon. (These were from the daily bomb runs of our B-52’s.) These craters would fill up with water from the heavy rains. In time, there were hundreds and thousands of these bomb made ponds all over Vietnam. There were also large tracks of jungle were they had cut and destroyed all the vegetation for thousands of yards back from all the roads and around camps. By the time I was getting ready to leave the country it looked like some smoky dream of what hell might look like if the fire was put out.
I looked at the country and saw how it had changed so much in just a year. Then I looked around at all the men. I realized that we were very much like that country ourselves. We had all changed and would never be the same again. We had our emotions bombed and ravaged by the war. We all needed to go back to repair and recover what we could. For a few of the guys, this would become an impossible task. Some of these guys had been on the edge of the real world even before they set foot on Viet Nam soil. For others, it would be a slow recovery process but they would rebound some how. Some of the guys may still be fighting those long ago battles within.
For myself, I felt like I had been given a new lease of life. Reborn by all the experiences, I learned to become more focused on what was really important in life. I knew that some things in life were just not that important to me anymore. That life was really about finding God and helping others. Nothing else was that necessary.
I had some very close calls. I saw things that I can and will never share, but I knew that God had taken care of me. I was grateful for all that I had. I was going to leave Nam with all my body parts and not in some plastic bag. I would never take life for granted again ever. I wanted to live each moment. I wanted to enjoy the small things once again - like hot showers and cold milk. I wanted to hug the world. I wanted to "Kiss the sky" and write poetry and make love to Carol. Yes, I was looking forward to moments beyond the shores of Nam. I was ready to leave Vietnam and did not want to look back. I did not know all that awaited me upon my return stateside, but I was willing to trade for I had there.
I went to Nam as a 20 year old and celebrated my 21st birthday there. I was considered an "old man" because most of the guys were so much younger than me. Hell, they were only 18 or 19 year old kids. Emotionally, I felt about 90 years old when I left. I now knew what those eyes of departing troops had been trying to tell me when I saw them on my arrival. As the old book says "it was the best of times and the worst of times".
I saw things which no human should see. I also saw things that taught me compassion and love. All things can instruct and teach us. In that sense, all my time in Nam was just one big school year. I hope I learned what I needed to learn. That is one school year I would not chose to repeat again in some other lifetime. I found my relationship with God to be much closer than at any other time in my life. If nothing else had ever happened, or was learned by my being there, then this alone would be enough to make it worth while.
I finally got orders for a reassignment to Fort Benning, Georgia. I would be leaving for the states within days. However, I still had some missions left to fly on that last week. I was not looking forward to having combat the last few days in country. It took a lot of "fun" out of it when I had orders in my hands which would get my ass out of that place.
On my last day of flying, we were just taking off on a combat assault, when I noticed that our helicopter was on fire. Fortunately, we were still in Phu Loi and moving down the runway to take off. I gleefully informed the pilots that we had to land because we were on fire. They jumped out of the craft as soon as they shut it down. I took out the fire extinguisher, put out the small engine fire, then slowly walked back down the long runway. I felt like I just got a ‘get-out-of-jail-free-card". I smiled all the way back to my hootch and to the safety of my bunk. I never went back out to check on the ship, or to ask any questions about it.
I knew I was leaving the Nam very soon. In the morning, I would be at LBJ once again with others like myself, going home. Now I could relax and just wait out the remaining time in peace. I wondered if I would see my high school buddy Mike when I got to LBJ. I also thought about how he might have changed and if he was OK.
The next day I got up early. I said my good-byes to all the guys. I did not want to make a big deal out of it. I knew they still had to be there after I flew away. I did not want to bring them down emotionally about it. I walked around the camp and took my last look at where I had spent the last a year of my life. I had no trouble leaving. I found myself smiling from ear to ear as I got on my early morning flight to LBJ and freedom.
I was put on a passenger list for a flight that same day I got to LBJ. I walked around the compound looking for Mike. I ran into him and we grabbed each other. We looked each other over to see if everything was still there. He had all his legs and arms - I know I counted them. I was so glad he was OK since I promised his wife Donna that I would look after him. I never got the opportunity to do that but it all worked out in the end.
We got on the bus together and rode to the airport. We did not say much of nothing sitting next to each other on the bus. We unloaded the bus and walked up the ramp to a civilian jet. We stopped and took one long last look from the top as we entered the plane. The plane was full and there wasn’t any real conversations just a few words here and there. We were all waiting for that freedom bird to lift off the runway. It seemed to take forever but finally we were airborne and on our way home. The plane then rocked with all of us guys giving loud cheers, much like at a football game when the home team scores a TD.
We stopped off at Japan to refuel. The conversations were actually very light. I do not remember too many war stories. Mike had missed his wife and that occupied his thoughts. I was concerned about who I was going to stay with when I got home. I sat back and closed my eyes. I tried to picture myself with all my awards on my uniform impressing people stateside. I was having some difficulty with that because of all the news accounts I had been reading, but I thought my family might be impressed. I looked down at the ocean below us as we crossed the Pacific and felt relaxed. We both drifted off into our own world of thoughts for the last several hours of the flight home. I wondered if I would get to see Carol while I was home. I did not think much about the past year. I was ready to look forward - nothing could be any worse than I had already gone though. That thought gave me much comfort actually. Everything had to get better, after all, no one was shooting at me any more!
