Many thanks to those that have offered their kind, consoling words. As you can imagine, having been so close to my friend these last few months,
sometimes the grief is just too much to bear. I am in disbelief, and yet must face a reality that is beyond comprehension at times. All of us, that have had a friend or loved one leave us suddenly, start off with many questions. One of which is "Why him or, Why her?". I am of the belief that all things happen for a reason, and therefore must not let my mind question God's will. I must accept and learn from the precious time God allowed my friend and I to get to know each other, and pass that knowledge on in everyday life. Though difficult as it is to know that I cannot physically be near my friend, I will hold his essence, his power, his grace, his kindness, his undying love, in my heart forever.
Please know, we all appreciate the kind words and thoughts that all of you so generously offer.
My Father once told me that in this life you will have many wonderful acquaintances, yet only a few true friends. Those true friends cannot be measured in what "they" can do for you, nor what "you" can do for them ... but what true friends can accomplish together as partners.
Today, I am devastated by the loss of one of my "true friends". Though I know that his place in heaven is one of reverence, I find it hard to think of a future without his darling face leaning into my chest, next to my beating heart. A heart that filled with joy just looking at him. A heart that would do anything for his creature comforts. A heart that would console in moments of tension, and a heart that would laugh with him in moments of glee and excitement. We were most times, two hearts beating as one.
I remember the first time that I laid my eyes on him in his stall. He was standing with his head in the corner, resting, ... and looked at me as if, "Hey, you are disturbing my nap, ... this better be good". I approached this magnificent animal quietly, and offered my hand to his nose, and the other for a soft stroke to the neck. Within seconds his head was in my chest and I
was scratching those tiny expressive turned in ears, and gazing into eyes that would draw you deep into his "old world" soul. I was accepted into his world, and he into mine.
Thus began a rapport that was one of respect and love for each other. I only regret that out time together was so short, and yet I feel as if I have known my friend a lifetime, and I feel like we both learned much from our partnership together.
From our first ride together, I realized that I had to earn his respect. He was not an easy sell either mind you. I had to assure him that I would not hurt him in any way, and that we were there for each other, to grow as a team, and not for one part of that team to outshine the other. As a pair we must show our brilliance together, and bring out the best of each other. As a
partnership, we show all that watch us what "TeamGeist" is all about. We work
together, and yet as one.
Thinking back, just three days into the partnership with my friend, we were
asked if it was possible to practice our quadrille yet (The reason I had been
visiting at the time was to ride in the quadrille). Sabine, our coach, and my
mentor, knowing that "my friend" has had some reservations in the past with the quadrille work, was wondering if we had had enough time to get to know one another. I assured her that I felt we could try a practice. Well, that evening around 7pm, we all met in the indoor arena for practice. Many faces watched from the office observation window. I was riding the "prodigal son",
so therefore, the pressure was on to be the best we could be. I so wanted to make Jim & Larry proud of us. For they had given me an opportunity of a lifetime, and I didn't want to disgrace them ... or the friend they so loved. All the quadrille members had done this many times before, and for me, this was a first with this many riders. We all knew the pattern in our minds, it was now just a matter of putting us together as a team.
Those spectators in the office looked to me as if they had just "settled in for a long winters night". This puzzled me, however, I went about my business at hand. This was serious stuff. For we were going to perform in front of many folks at our exhibition, and we must look very professional! We warmed up for 15 or 20 minutes, and then we began our routine. As we finished,
everyone was staring at me in disbelief. I was looking back at them thinking, "Oh my god, what have I done wrong!". I said to the group, "What? Did I do something wrong?". Sabine said, "That is the first time we have EVER been able to run through the quadrille without having to practice "YOUR" parts OVER & OVER for at least an hour - And you have only ridden this horse for 3
days!". Well, of course I thought that what we had done was just the norm. Apparently not! Nobody had told me that my partner had been having trouble when he was being approached "head on" in the past. He would raise his head or bolt away, and it had been a struggle to keep him straight and true to his work. I offered my explanation to the crew. "Well, I ride him quietly, with softness, and with confidence, so that he feels reassured that I will not hurt him, and I guess we just have learned we can trust each other!" What a great feeling it was for me and my partner that night. We were special. We
proved we could do this too! I was on cloud nine, and my friend and I went back to the barn happy, as did the others - for they did not have to practice till the cows came home! Which is how I began our main objective each and every day. Striving to create harmony between two entities by nurturing the mind, body, and soul.
I laugh now at our first try at the "tricks". You see, these "tricks" are very submissive moves. Your partner must trust you without reservation. The "Bow" came relatively easy, once "I" learned the proper leg tapping technique. A few bobbles, and my friend saying "Sheesh... is she ever gonna
get this act together!" were all it took for me to get with the program and do it right! The "Lay down" was another one of those things that had an
audience from the observation window. Everyone had to see if I could get my friend to do it, as he was the hardest one to teach this particular move to. (once again, the pressure is on). Once I had the "aid" down we were ahead of the game. At first, I didn't quite know what to do with my own feet, yet my friend was well aware of where he was going with his! And that was DOWN! With
the biggest of "OOMPHS!" I nearly came off to the left as he tucked and went down! Many laughs from the window were heard in the arena. I regained my own balance so as not to interfere with his, and giggled incesitantly, and was quickly prompted to offer sugar for a job well done! We did this trick a few times more, so I could get the feel for that "Down" syndrome, as "teamwork"
prevailed. My friend and I once again, showed our trust in each other.
Going from the first very smallest of exhibitions for our quadrille, to some of the most elite of venues like Equitana, and Dressage @ Devon with a "jury of my peers", could not have been carried off so smoothly had I not been riding such an ambassador to not just "Friesians", but horses in general. He always held his head proudly, carried himself regally, and loyaly, and offered his kindness to the masses that gathered around him at the completion of his "Royal" duties. He was able to bring tears of joy to the eyes of many,
and as well to me. I was ever so proud to stand for however long it took and allow others to have his infectious personality rub off on them.
It has been said, "Tis better to give, than to receive". I can, in all honesty say, that my friend "gave his all" each and every day to the best of his ability. And although I did my best to "give back unconditionally", I must beg to differ on one small account with that old saying, ... for I was ever so thankful to be the "receiver".
I thank my lucky stars every day for Jim Mosebrook and Larry Riggs, who afforded me the pleasure of working with "their first born son", and who trusted him in my care of the winter season. I know that was a tough decision. I know that they know he was near and dear to me or they may not have allowed me the opportunity. I am eternally greatful to have had the time with "my friend", and he will forever be in my heart. I know he is watching over all of us, and enveloping us in all the warmth and majesty of his glorious mane and in his kind spirit.
I am thankful that God took him so quickly and with little pain and suffering.
So, in closing, to my dear friend "Doktor", as I know you are listening to me compose this ... God has "Approved You" to the highest Registry of all, and there you will Reign as you watch over your loved ones on earth.
Please accept "My Bow", ... to your life, and to the "life" you have given to others.
With All My Love,
Shaana, Your Friend
Posted on May 11, 2000, 1:06 AM from IP address 64.12.104.189