Seriously, I think it's normal to go through this sort of thing.
I was only married to my ex for 4 years, but the divorce still had more of an impact than I ever anticipated. I still have random stabs of .. I don't know what to call it.. pain, I guess.. thinking about him. And I CERTAINLY don't have any "feelings" for him anymore other than disgust.
In my case, I think it's regret that I didn't see the (very clear, very large) writing on the wall before I ever married him, and it's regret that I failed at making it work, and it's regret that in the end, I was the only one who ever cared about the marriage anyway. And also the fact that I wasn't that important to him, ever.
I certainly don't miss him in any way, and I certainly would NEVER trade any part of my life now for any part of my life then.. but still there's an unexplainable emotion there sometimes. I guess it just comes with the territory.
Losing a relationship like a marriage sucks out loud. But on some level, at some point you have to stop giving him power in your life, your spirit, and your mind. It's okay to feel bad about something as serious as the situation you describe.. but it's also important to realize that no one has the power to make you feel like you have no value.. except yourself.
There are lots of people in the world to whom we individually have no value. Hell, I have absolutely no value to 90% of my relatives.. but that says a hell of a lot more about them than it does about me.
You are going to be fine. Having these feelings just means that you are human and that you sometimes question yourself and your own value within your own mind. I think we all do that.
Hang in there.. do something that makes you feel fabulous, and pretty soon the moment will pass.
(Last night my niece and I smashed plates on the patio.. we're going to do a mosaic out of them. It made us feel great, and forget the ridiculous family drama that's playing out right now. Very therapeutic! :-D)
--b
My horse loves me no matter what you think.
