Doesn't really require a resonse, just time to shed a tear for someone not worth it.

I loved him more than I should have. He just changed his mind. He didn't want me anymore, he didn't want my children anymore. He just wanted to move on to the next big adventure.

So he divorces me, marries a witch and she promptly gives him the children he wanted. It reminds me of Elanis Morrisets song. He did promise to love me until the day he died, and he is still alive.

Years have past. For the most part, I am ok. Except sometimes, I remember. How much I did love him, the life we had, etc. Would I take him back? HELL NO!

Can I cry about it? No, my family feel that I am better off. The truth is that I am. That doesn't change the pain of being thrown away. Discarded like yesterday's newspaper. After all this time, it really doesn't bother me. But on days when my head has hurt for two days, when my back bothers me and I am worried about my Mother, my sister in law and my children. Yes, I start to feel a little sorry for myself. Even though life is so much better now.

It is hard to forget that someone once thought you have no value. If you knew me, you would know that is not true. I am a good person, a loving mother, daughter, wife, sister and friend. So is it ok to let a tear drop for the pain that still clutches at my chest, just every once in a while.

Does that mean I still love that heartless bastard? I hope not. I hope that it is just my pride.

What a sad moment. I will be fine in an hour and not think of that time in my life for a long time. But when I do, I bet I cry again.

Thanks for listening. Elizabeth. It's still me, just a different part of me that I can't control.

Hey Elizabeth,

Even though you know you are better off it still hurts. That's so understandable. Sometimes old pain revisits me. It's like its buried deep inside and I don't think about it often but it is part of the fabric that is me. Something will trigger a memory and it is always about something good and sappy and at a time when things in my life aren't going so great. Then I think of all the what ifs.

As you have said...you don't want him back. I'm sure you are a good and loving person. He didn't appreciate that. Think about what is good in your life now. Would he make it better? My guess is probably not.

I wish I could reach through space and give you a hug.

Sheryl

I still have guilt about leaving a 32 yr marriage, I am sad at times that I felt there was no other way. Looking back on it ( six) yrs ago, I know I made the best decision I could, and I stand by it, yet as you say something will trigger my memories and I get melancholy, I think no matter what, my, your, and Elizabeths emotions are very "normal".........hugs to both of you!!

Seriously, I think it's normal to go through this sort of thing.

I was only married to my ex for 4 years, but the divorce still had more of an impact than I ever anticipated. I still have random stabs of .. I don't know what to call it.. pain, I guess.. thinking about him. And I CERTAINLY don't have any "feelings" for him anymore other than disgust.

In my case, I think it's regret that I didn't see the (very clear, very large) writing on the wall before I ever married him, and it's regret that I failed at making it work, and it's regret that in the end, I was the only one who ever cared about the marriage anyway. And also the fact that I wasn't that important to him, ever.

I certainly don't miss him in any way, and I certainly would NEVER trade any part of my life now for any part of my life then.. but still there's an unexplainable emotion there sometimes. I guess it just comes with the territory.

Losing a relationship like a marriage sucks out loud. But on some level, at some point you have to stop giving him power in your life, your spirit, and your mind. It's okay to feel bad about something as serious as the situation you describe.. but it's also important to realize that no one has the power to make you feel like you have no value.. except yourself.

There are lots of people in the world to whom we individually have no value. Hell, I have absolutely no value to 90% of my relatives.. but that says a hell of a lot more about them than it does about me. You are going to be fine. Having these feelings just means that you are human and that you sometimes question yourself and your own value within your own mind. I think we all do that.

Hang in there.. do something that makes you feel fabulous, and pretty soon the moment will pass.

(Last night my niece and I smashed plates on the patio.. we're going to do a mosaic out of them. It made us feel great, and forget the ridiculous family drama that's playing out right now. Very therapeutic! :-D)


--b


My horse loves me no matter what you think.

it's 100% ok to cry. get it all out.

then get up, dust yourself off, and decide what you need to do/get to make yourself happy. you deserve happiness and you have the right to get what you want out of life. sometimes the toughest part is figuring out what you want. but deep down inside, we all know. we all just have to get to know ourselves a little better.

take care ((((hugs))))

 

my internet homepage is www.dailymotivator.com every day there is a positive message. somedays i dont read it, but when i need it, it's always there. and you can search for writings on paticular subjects too. i've found it helpful more times than i can remember. it's hard to be positive at first, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes and the easier it is to believe good stuff about yourself.

one of the hardest things for me to overcome after getting out of jw's was being positive. i was raised for 17 years to see only the bad in people, to see only the bad on a global scale. to see only the bad in movies, music, news, friends, clothing, food, medical procedures. i've had to work at replacing all the negativity with facts, because let's face it, i'm not saying life is all rainbows and sunshine, but it is DEFINETLY more good than bad...not  like the jw's would love you to believe. that's why i feel sorry for them. they are so concerned with the next life "everlasting life in paradise" and so obsessed with how dreadfully awful this planet is, they are blind to the beauty of the people, places and things of the here & now.

but we know better than they do, don't we?

of wisdom for you, just saying I'm sorry for your pain. It's painful being tossed aside for another woman, cult, drugs, bottom of a bottle, whatever. Just feeling discarded is hard on anybody. Have a good cry.

I knew someone on this site probably many on this site would know how I feel. I am fine now, back to my normal worries, mom not taking her medicine, my son and his refusal to embrace adulthood, demands from the universe and the sorrow from not having time to work on my stained glass.

Back to normal for now..... Thanks for your encouragement. The site noted will be visited often. Thanks for that also.