OK Lilghostie, this year we will help you make Christmas

an beter experience. Let me start by saying that yes, Christmas past was a horrible experience for you. You are better and stronger than your past. You are here, they could not kill you or your wonderful spirit. Your spirit has just been beat up. Now let's find a way to heal that spirit and give the gift of Christmas back to you. You have a very loving experience with your tree. Maybe you could get a live tree this year so that the tree-tears won't fall. Then you can plant it where you can see it year around and remember it with fondness. The kids can do without the cookies. Let's think up a new tradition that belongs to just you and your children. Suggestions: get some cardboard boxes and cut out shapes, stars, snowmen, reindeer, balls, maybe even some tribal symbols, etc. You and the kids paint them and decorate any way you want. Buy a couple packages of marshmallows, big and miniature. Then make snowmen, reindeer, wreaths etc using toothpicks or string. Decorate your tree with them. I want you and the kids to go out and pick out some Christmas decorations of your own and pick out a new angel to watch over you.(I will send you a check) When the old feelings wash over you, take your new angel and sit under the table. Zone out on it, talk to it and say, "I am stronger than my past. It makes me sad sometimes but I will leave it back there for the next few minutes. I won't let it touch me now. I am safe under my table with you to watch over me. The sadness will come again and I will come get you and we will sit in my safe place again. Noone will ever punish me again." Do this as often as you like or need to. Celebrate Christmas Eve or even the day before in order to make it your own and take the power away from Dec. 25th. You and the kids can use the sauna, I know your son will love to build the fire. This was a good memory with your aunt, it would be good to keep it alive and pass it down to your children. Start your own tradition surrounding the sauna, maybe take marshmallow in there and roast them. If i was a kid, I would think that would be something really cool to do. Maybe others can think of some new ideas that you and the kids can start as traditions so you can take charge of this holiday and send your demons back where they belong. Now, please don't stay away from the board when you are feeling overwhelmed by the past, this is exactly when you need to reach out and let us beat back the past with you. Do not isolate yourself with those memories, the ugly is always stronger than the good. Come here and let us overwhelm the bad and replace them with the good. We need our friends during tough times, so hang in there with us.