my memories aren't like yours. I didn't understand it, I was totally freightened of Santa, elves, etc. I did not understand the religious meaning behind the celebrations. I do remember having things done to me that would now be classified as abuse.
When I was about 4, I opened all of the presents from under our tree a few days early and I don't remember the whipping I got. But do remember the bruises and having a hard time sitting. I also remember not being allowed to help decorate either the tree or cookies because I was clumsy and would break the ornaments. There was also one year, I was in first grade and we had moved from Zion, IL to Norfolk, VA and were staying with freinds in Norfolk before we moved into VA Beach because we hadn't bought a house. The people we stayed with had a 14 or 15 year old son. We were allowed to stay in the same room Christmas eve night - I guess i don't need to say anything else... I spent years in counseling partially due to that night.
I also was not a "good" child and one year I did get a lump of coal in my stocking. I hated going to the malls and got lost once and got in trouble for that. I had sat down because my feet hurt (common problem for me is cronic foot pain because I was born club-footed).
We hardly ever spent christmas at home, usually at some grandparents. When we lived in Illinois it was always with my mom's folks in Michigan...they lived on an old farm. The house had no indoor plumbing and I was always terrified of the outhouse. It was always cold, smelled horrible and had spiders in it.
When I became a teen ager I understood things better.
Christmas never became fun for me untill I had kids and I vowed I would make this a magical time for my kids. I have tons of ornaments that they can put on the tree, have clings, popcorn, paper for chains... I let them do the decorating of cookies and help them with the house. It isn't important to me that the cookies look "professional or good" just as long as it is their stuff, and they enjoyed doing it.
I made sure that they know the traditions behind a tree, stockings, santa. The meaning behind the holidays with a religion. I try to make the learning fun and probably over eggadurate the meanings. I don't practice an organized religion but I do help my children with bible stories and such.
I can trully understand why you do not enjoy the holidays. I didn't for many, many years.
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