Im So Tired.....

I'm so tired of having to do everything, I'm tired of having to fight doctors for simple test because "he is just autistic and you may as well accept it", of being told that every little thing wrong with him is due to autism - how can a un-aligned jaw be because of his autism and not worth looking into? I'm sick of being told he is retarded when he can do some things six year olds cant yet do and he is only four.

I'm tired of having no support from my husband who is happy for me to go and do all the research about treatments, but would rather look at internet porn than do any research himself. I'm tired of being responsible for every aspect of our day-to-day life from housework, to kids to financial matters - all my job, and then being expected to return to full time work once my maternity leave is up! I'm tired of the breastfeeds every 2-3 hours during the night.

I'm tired of the battle for the pitiful services my son recieves, I'm tired of the disapproving looks of strangers in the street when my son lays down on the ground because he doesnt want walk anymore. I'm sick and tired of my mother in-law refusing to believe he is autistic and telling me he will "come along" in the next year - you'll see.

I'm tired of always relying on my mum for support because i get none at home, I'm tired of people telling me I may as well be a single mum, cause my husband doesn't do anything anyway. I'm tired of people pitying me because i have a disabled child, I don't want pity i want services for him. I want more early intervention, I want one-on-one assistance, I want someone to listen to what he needs and provide it, I shouldn't have to constantly fight for it, i have enought to worry about!

I am tired of being so tired, I have no energy left for me because I am so busy looking after my 2 sons. I want time to myself, I want to be alone for just 2 minutes of the day, not to have to listen out for doors being opened, switches and taps being turned on, baby crying. I need a break, I need a holiday - by myself.

Sorry needed to have a good grumble - had enough, but it't ok tomorrow is another day