"why it is not aspergers syndrome=me"

the man ben green is a psychological associate.
the man ben green knows aspergers syndrome.
the man ben green says mine "significant impairment in social functioning" is because of "factors such as anxiety and depression, unrelated to aspergers" and that the sensory issues he does not know how it fits in wiht OCD but it is OCD that is mine problem.
he says am not aspergers.
once last wingter the family doctor said that mine difficulties with OC behaviour could be helped with paxil. tried it. and stopped. had no idea that trial of paxil qualified me as being "diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder". but the report from the MD who said adbout teh aspgers, who referred me for group therapy for persons with aspgers.. her reprot never made mention of in ben greens report. ben green says that have been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder because doc. gives pills for behaviours, but the aspergers is denied completely.
am so confused.
this makes no other sense but mine paranoid thinking.
they do not want to provide services.
so they deny the diagnosis and then there is no basis for demadning the services.
do not knwo of any other understanding for this... unless have experienced sponateous recovery since last year.
perhaps that is it???

these are the categories from his reports and what he says....

A) Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:
1) marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviours such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate interaction.

his comments:

it was not really possible to determine from this interview how minna would have been assessed on this aspect of criterion as a child, however during the interview, while minna demostrated limited eye contact, she did demonstrate "normal" use of body postures, gestures and facial expressions, particularly with her eyes.

2) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to development level.

his comemnts:
from reports minna had difficulty developing peer relations in childhood, but there appear to have been a variety of possible reasons for this. minna reports that she onjly attended a regular school for a brief period then was "home scholed" so her contact with a school peer group was prevented. (((mine note: this statemtn is not reflective of the fact that mine mother lived in a communal type setting with others from her church, and all the children were raised together by the same adult figures, often there ebing up to 35 children living in the same building all at once, being cared for by several adults... he does not disclose this, he did not ask what life was like, just asked if had gone to school.. he did not ask for information and thus makes judgement on the fact that there was no friends because there was no school to go to to make friends, but what about all the dozens of children who lived in same house for yrs?))) She also reports having adjustment and emotional difficulties, which included elective mutism, which appear to be a result at least in part to an ausive home situation. she reports that she had some contact with other children through the churtch, but that these children didnt like to play with her because they thought she was "odd". (((( These are teh church children am talking about. we lived full time, daya nd night with the church, it was like the waco texas thing, where people all live together all the time... ben green does not understand this, and he did not ask about it. so he is again going on assumptions))))). she does report however having one peer girlfriend when seh was about 9 yrs, with whom she played, and reports laughing a great deal with her. ((((( yes, we did, she woudl kick the ball, and i would laugh, she would kick the ball and i woudl laugh,, that is how we played.. but because we played that means it was all OK? he again refers to this friendship in part number 4).

3) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achienvements with other people.

he writes:
again it is difficult to asess this apect as regards to childhood functioning, through minna describes playing and laughing with on girlfriend as a child and playing soccer with her. ((( ok, here we go again... what does he mean we play soccer? what does minna mean we play soccer? is it same thing? minna means that the girl kciekd the ball and minna laughs, girl kicks ball minna laughs... that is our game.. we play soccer... is this what ben green means when he reports we play soccer? is this what kids do when they play soccer? is this ok?))))) when she was a teenager on her own, she describes a friendship she had with one man for about two yrs, whcih appeared from descriptions to have been mutually supportive. (( yes, had one friend, carlos.. who was not a man.. he was a teenage boy like minna... we woudl run into each other very often in the bushes... he would find food and offer it to me often when he saw me... and when he would see me at night time he woudl sing about angels and i woudl fall asleep.... that is what happened... it is not what minna woudl consider a friend... it was a street kid who did not hurt me.. who did nto want to rape me.. who did not try to trick me.. taht is waht make it a friend... did we do things togehter? never))) Also as a child minna describes having been taught outdoor survival skills by her grandmother, a natigve woman with who she had a good relationship. ((yes it was good, she was the only adult in mine life who did not beat me.. sheleft me alone. and let me sit and talk to mineself all day... without one single beating.. does it make it a good relationship? yes. there was no beatings.. is this what ben green means is a good relatioship? ))))
and as a parent now she expresses a desire to teach her children these skills, as well she teaches them daily living skills around the home. ((( yes, teach kids to boil water and hot dogs and fold clothing etc. daily living skills is necessary.. thsoe are things had been taught as a child too.. only difference is that will not beat kids to teach them anything... does it make one not aspergers if one teaches their child ddaily livingskills.? ))))she also reports planning special aoutings and activities with her kids. (((aacckk this was crasy... he asked "what do you do with the kids for fun?".. said to him that we made a special new years sledding event at home. we put light sup in tree, made hot chocolate and had a fire outside ... does this become the special outing? mom gets out of the house and goes outside the door with her kids and watches kids slide down teh driveway has now become a special outing... hope ben green tells mine kids that when they next want to Go someplace outside of our own property... they do not need to leave the home property because we can just have a special outing right on our own dirveway)))))

4) lack of social or emotional reciprocity.

he says:

minna describes some social/emotional reciprocity in childhood with herplay with her girlfreind. ((again, how much social and emotional reciprocity is there in laughing at the ball arching over the sky, and the funny sounds it makes when a chidl kicks it... personally had no use for that child except for the fact that she woudl kick the ball and make the noises and would allow mineself to watch.. she never kicked at me... she tolerated me... this becomes social and emotional reciprocity?... am not understanding the words "reciprocity" anymore.. obviously am way much off tune with what people really mean with words they speak... these are the kinds of things ben green understood from teh things he asked... what am i supposed to say if he asks to have mine mind thnk back to any time playing with anyone and this is what am reporting? that the girl played soccer and me too)))) As an adult minna talks about having shared the same type of humor with her common-law partner, ((this is a lie.. did never say we shared teh same humor... he asked "did you ever share in any jokes or laughed together?... had to think for a long long time.. and finally came up with this... "yes. we used to watchj the benny hill show and we woudl laugh at that." do not know what he was laughing at, but for mineself, always laugh when there is certain kinds of visual stimulation... like the soccer ball flying.. and so this happens with benny hill tv show... woudllaugh everytime the light and dark shadows on tv woudl make funny shapes... now that am reading ben greens report.. it sounds totally different... it sounds like him and minna sat and laughed at the same type of humor... have no idea what he was laughing at... how am i supposed to know that???))))
and participating in special family times with her children. (again, this have no idea what he is talking abotu... if there was so many special family times that the kids were liking.. then how is that they always craved for rosa to take them to places.. and rosa said that it was not good for the kids to always stay at home and they needed to get out... because only time they ever went anywhere was if someone else took them, like rosa whens eh lived with us.. by the way, ben green never asked abdout rosa sodidnt tellhim..is that something that was supposed to tell him??))))
she also describes herlsef as loving her children, and amnkind, describing her love for mankind like an empathy for human condition.

B restricted repititive adn stereotyped patterns of behaviour, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:
1) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereopyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus.


he says:

while minna describes herself as having intense interests that are preoccupying at times in things such as collecting rocks, or socks, or magazines, and has liked to collect things since childhood, these do not appear to be preoccupying her to the extent usually associated with aspergers syndrome. (((how does ne know how much these preoccupy mine mind?.. does he know that days go by and nothing else getsdone except magazine collections getting re-organized and re-orgaized over and over... to the extent that am not eating even when am donig those???.. no.. why/./ he did not ask.))) a personwith aspergers syndrome typicaly has one or two very intense interests that preoccupy them. for example when you ask them about that intrest area they will typically go on and on about the subject till you stop them, describing it, when they've read aboutit, all the facts about it,etc. also they woudl not typically recognize that there is anything unusual about the extent of their interest. minna was able to idnetify when asked some areas of interest that she felt sometimes pre-occupied with or that were unusual, and at the same time she was able to recognize that these interests or preoccupations might be unusual. a person with aspergers typically wouldnt be able to do this, rather they would likely not see thier area or interest as unusual, nor recognize that the intensity of thier interest was unusual, but would more likely assume that other people might share their interest. (((((this is exactly what had been beaten into mine mind all mine life. did tell him that mine mother was a psychiatric nurse, and her boyfriend was a psychiatrist. does ben green not think that these people did nto do "behaviour modification" to try to help minna behave well? ofcourse they did. why else would minna be beaten so often? then what about rosa the social worker who lived with us for all those years? she also "helped' minna learn to behave right although she did like the progress we made because she said that we are "too autistic" to live with.))))
As well it is noted that minna has a wide range of interests, far beyond connecting and studying things such as rocks. she is interested , for example, in art (painting),tanning hides, outdoor survivial skills, nutritional supplements, existential philosophy, the development of her children, and understanding her emotional/mental makeup. (((gosh, some of that is mere survival. out here we have to know how to tan hides, or we do not have warm clothes, we need to have survival skills for outdoors, or we do not survive. does an interest in keeping oneself alive not be a possibility in aspergers? what about the nutrition for the kids or their development.. is that incongruent with aspergers too? did not know that. you cannot be interested in yhour childrens development and be aspergers. or their nutrition. about the mental and emotional makeup, cannot say anything more about that then that had no idea it means you cannot be aspergers and be interested in your mental health.))))

2) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines and rituals.
minna identifies a number or routines and rituals she follows, such as the order in which she washes and puts away silverware and dishes, needing to line up the patterns of the bedsheets ((( no no ben green not the pattern the corners)) at night before she can sleep, and in a number of areas needing to do things in the same ritualistic way. however, minna responded that she did not believe that the routines and rituals she followed were " nonfunctional", and she described the function they had fro her in helping her maintain equilibrium and feel better. (( ofcourse, if things are not done right, will not feel ok, will feel badly, and then nothing is right. so ofcourse following the order makes things better)))) typically a person with aspergers would not describe their rituals orroutines as functional or nonfunctional. there would not be this degree of insight, but rather an assumption that the routine or ritual was just "the way to do things"... ((( what ?? is that not what had just told him. ofcourse the reason why a person does things is because if they do not do it lthe way it is supposed to be done, it feels bad so the function of the routine is to feel better.... and anyone with aspergers is not capabel of understanding what they are doing in this way??? am so so confused... ))))
the rituals and routines minna describes appear more consistent with obsessive compulsive dosorder. compulsions are usually thought to have the function of relieving anxiety (similar to the way minna describes her experience) while compulsive behaviour, and teh ritualistic behaviour seen in aspergers are not easily distinquishiable from one antoher, the insight minna has into recognizing the unusual behaviour and its function would not typically be seen in a person with aspergers syndrome. ((( so , if have been given counselling therapy sicne 1993 to try to understand, these things, have been given help from the support workers at the sheltered supporitve living building haave lived in for 4 yrs to learn better to understand these things,, then still even if i was aspergers, none of this teaching could have given me any insight into mine behaviour because aspergers cant have insight??.. is that it??? )))))

3) minna describes a number of mannerisms that appear stereotyped and repititive. some such as subbing her nose and pullilng at her ear were noted during session. as well minna describes some others that have to do with the way she sits or postures her body. however, she also describes being aware of some of these and of controlling them in public because she knows they are unusual and might attract attention from other people.again, this ritualistic behaviour and need for routine appear consistent with obsessive compulsive behaviour, but the insight around the behaviour is not consistent with aspergers syndrome. again, a person with aspergers syndrome woudl not typically have the awareness of the unusual nature of their mannerisms, unless they were specifically described for them and made aware that the mannerisms needed to be controlled. ((here again comes in the pshyciatrist and psychiatric nurse who were called the parents. they always made aware what was not "normal" and what was. they taught over and over until it was learnt. eventually after months, sometimes a yror more, each behaviour they targeted dissolved into non-behaviours in public, and then there was huge stress of beingt so "good" all the time in public. same with rosa, she would take me to public, to coffee shops, to places and 'made' me behave correctly via telling over and over what was supposed to be done. how is that one cannot have aspergers if one has learned to follow instructions? you cannot have learn if you have aspergers. that is only conclusion possible here))))) a person with aspergers lacks the ability to discern or imagine how other pople see his/her behaviour, or to feel self-conscious about it. (( ok, so back to aspergers cant learn. because if 10 yrs of in the home teaching by the mother and her boyfriend, and if counselling since 1993-1999 is enought to get an person to learn that they cannot do certain things in public then they cannot be aspergers. this sort of logic does not make sense to anything that had been taught. am so so confused. nothing ever makes any sense))))

4) while minna was able to describe an intense interest in taking apaart a certain kind of clock, to see the parts of it, it is not clear how "persistent" a "preoccupation" this is for her, i.e. how often she does it or now compelled she feels to do it. ((( he NEVER asked those questions. only made a comment, "you must spend quite a bit of money on those clocks".. and said "whenever can find them in garage sales will buy them"... that question, and answer is what he is basing his opinion on ??... how come he does nto ask how much time is taken on these endeavours?)))))
a persistent occupation woudl usually indicate thinking about it daily, performing the action whenever possible ((so far that is what happens, but he didnt ask))) adn thinking about performing the action at other times as well. there does nto appear to be this intensity of preoccupation for minna. (( how does he know that?/? he never asked, and now that it is written in here, am knowing that it is important, and now am saying, well those woudl have been the answers if he had asked. how is he think he will determine how preoccupied a person is with something if he does not ask????))))

c) the disturbance causes clinically significant imparment in social, occupational, or other importabnt areas of functioning.
while minna describes how her functioning has been inmpaired in a variety of ways that have significantly affectred her life, there is not sufficient evidence that this impairment is relate4d to aspergers syndrome, as other criteria for aspergers donot appear to have been met. (( what exactly is not met??? all those things he made concusions about without asking??? .. could it be that it is easy to determine a person is not qualified for something if you do not ask the appropriate questions??))



from interviewing minna and reviewing criteria for aspergers "it is my opinion that minna does not meet criterion A and propably not cirterion B either. he says that "assessing for criterion B is more difficult then A as minna has some behaviours suggestive of "nonfunctional routines and rituals" and "steretyped and repetitive motor mannerisms" but the descriptions seem less consistent with aspgers syndrome than with obsessive compulsive disorder for the reasons discussed. "

he then goes on to discuss teh rigid and concrete thinking. saying taht persosn with aspergers "think and understand information very conceretely. they do not typically understand metaphors, they understand language very literally. this is not the case for minna." apparently because am able to understand what is meant by the words "out of the picture" (as in the kids dad is out of the picture) am not aspergers. because he says that "while a person with aspergers would typically be confused because they woudlnt understand that "picutre" was a metaphor for "the current situation". also the way am describning mine mind, he says "this woudl not make sense to someone with aspergers" a nd when am talking about how the mind worked he said about that "in other situations minna described her difficulty with retaining information in her mind as the "words falling off the edge of her mind" ((well, yes because they DO FALL OFF... the pictures sometimes literally fall off the edge into the darkness... then the whole picture/idea/word is gone... i cannot have aspergers if i am ab le to describe teh filing cabinets, the dark edge and teh rotation of pictures in the mind)))) he sayus that people with aspgers do not use this type of descriptive, metaphorical language. (((well heck, does he not say in one statement that peopel with aspergers are literal.. well so if am literal describing to him what is in the brain he says it is a clue as to why am not aspgers??? how doe shis mind work??? this makes no sense!! there IS no logic to this..))))


ooh finallly...
"minna interests are neither narrow nor "concrete". for example an important interest of minnas is existential philosophy. the level of abstract thinking required for this would typically be beyond the abilities of someone with aspgers. they woudl not have teh interest to pursue this type of thinking, or the flexibility of thinking."

ok. so clearly am not aspergers.
that is all am sure he has said.
anything else does not seem to make sense as to how he thought it.
what is mine problem?
who knows.
but clearly when was in kingston,. and was then considered to he aspergers, have either recovered since then, or something else has happened that am not aware of.
am solost.
all do know is this.
the services was getting in kingston when was still aspegers, are now not available because am not aspgers anymore.
there now will be no more possibility for any of the supports that had been so patiently waiting for.

am not able to atlke this anymore.
am not participating in society anymore.
have struggled so long, for alone. waiting.
first it was the supportive housing taht helped, then it was living with some other people. then it ws rosa.
then it was teh services in kingston.
now, there is none of them.
it is all over now.
there is no more.
will fade away.
cannot do this anymore.
there is no more hope.
this man, ben green has sentenced this woman into living without the suports that were coming.
with his mightypen, he has altered our lives for ever.
we will now leave this forum.
it is for people who are affected by aspergers and other autism related disorders.
obviously we are wrong.
we are not aspergers. moving form kingston to sudnury can do that to you.
if you want recovery for your children.
\move here.
they wil not be autistic anymore.

am very sorry for having been so stupid to believe what was told in kingston.
am very sorry for wasting peoples time here.
do not belong here, and do not know where to belong.
think the grave is where is best place.
it is where am sure am understanding of mineself then.

have given up hope.
there is no place to look for hope anymore.
this was the last thing.
that last thing that needed for the servicdes here.
the services here are what knew that am needing to be able to live indipendently.
am not going to go to the hospital for mentally ill.
am going to live here alone as long as am able to.
if am not able to anymore. the creator will bring me home.
do not know what else to do.
do not know what to do for kids.
should i be sending them awaynow?
or wait until they get taken?
what will happen?
if i go back to kingston... then how will it he that am aspergers and get services again?
how does taht work?????
do not understand anythhing anymore.


lg-gone insane.