You Must Be a Scrooge If...

If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away.

If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas.

If your favorite version of "A Christmas Carol" stars Bob Packwood or Bill Clinton.

If your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael Jackson.

If your favorite version of "The Nutcracker" stars Andrew Golota.

If you get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night.

If you give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts.

If your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park.

If your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log.

If you think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a Rocky movie.

If your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat.

If you use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets.

If your favorite version of "Silent Night" is sung by OJ Simpson.

If your favorite pastime is putting defective bulbs in your neighbors' string of Christmas lights or defacing Christmas lawn charicatures with egg nog.

If your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin.

Received from Demented Christmas Humor.