You're all very disappointing to me. The MN1K in just a month away, and the level of sycophantic RM praise and general missbehavior is appallingly low. I'll say it again - APPALLINGLY low. If Nielsen rated rally participants you lot would be cancelled by mid-season. Or playing on the WB.
Even Bubba announced his prodigal sonofabitch return in a uncharacteristic low-keyed manner.
WTF? <yawn>
Well listen up youse... Time to shape up! You've all gone soft! We've had no sucking up. No proclamations of felonious intent. NOT A SINGLE RIDER PRE-KICKED OUT OF THE RALLY - OR YET SO FAR POSTING AT THE STARTING LINE IN NEGATIVE NUMBERS - and there's only a month to go! Christ. You know, this all started when Nelson bought a bike that actually worked, and it's been steadily downhill from there. What's the point in THAT? Where the challenge people? Where's the adventure? Where's the freakin' fun?
I'll tell you where the fun WILL BE - at the scoring table, that's where. 'Cause by now you've 'bout wasted your chance to wear down the RM and staff before the rally even starts so that by the end they don't really give crap, and now they're all gonna be fresh-n-surly-n-shit at the scoring table. It's gonna be a slaughter I tell ya... a s_l_a_u_g_h_t_e_r. In the future, riders will speak of the '08 MN1k in hushed tones and refer to this years scoring table as "Hamburger Hill" - and not just because of what was spilled on the front of Eddie's polo shirt this time.
IN HUSHED TONES PEOPLE!
I can't bear to watch, and yet I can't turn away...
Somehow, I too feel chastened by Mr. Etlicher's diatribe. I admit that I've been pretty soft the last two years, approving some questionable photos and generally giving riders the benefit of the doubt.
No more, I say! I shall raise the standard high and instruct my staff to be merciless. I shall unleash Dr. Bob Waitz and permit him to ruin as many "great rides" as possible.
Thanks, Mike. And yes, we'd love to have you join us at the slaughter bench.
Mike what the hell were you thinking? Why did you wait till now till get on these assholes.
They are all PRICKS and the ones that help are ass kissers of the most extreme kind
I speak of RM's because they screwed up and let people like me in the rally.
Don't keep kissing there ass tell the truth !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<<I can't bear to watch, and yet I can't turn away...>>
Mike, did you hear the one about two cannibals eating a clown? One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Meanwhile, we could all share some great tips for rallymasters and score-table butchers who would like to turn the '08 MN1K into the Hamburger Hill of all rallies.
First and most important, though, is that this requires a highly evolved sense of humor on everyone's part. I cannot think of any human endeavor that requires more of sense of humor than LD competition. Giggling in the face of hardship and crushing defeat is at the very core of what we do.
Put a true LD rider on a quest to climb Mount Everest, have him or her fail just 16 feet from reaching the summit, and he or she will laugh about it for a lifetime. So will his or her closest buddies.
To get things rolling, here's my tip (taken from the previous mother of all scoretable massacres, AKA the ButtLite Moon Motors Bloodbath): On the answer sheet, move the lines for the answers one-half space lower than the lines for the questions.
We were told by the "esteemed" rallymaster that there will be no need for a Canada passport. No closed at night border crossings, no Canada rain storms, no Canada gas stations at 0-clock thirty that do not have pay at the pump...
Maybe we will have some sort of bonus in the Minnesota River valley again, where the street intersection isn't on a Minnesota state map. But WTF, that trick is old stuff now.
So maybe it will be a ho-hum choice of bonus locations, only to find the scoring table to be the real challenge of the rally. I already know what it feels like to walk away from the scoring table (during Butt Lite) with a big score of "0".
Maybe every single bonus location will require a polaroid photo! Imagine that! How many rolls of polaroid file should we bring?
One pack of Polaroid may well suffice, we promises. Two for sure, if you're really hungry for fame and glory.
Boring places to visit? I promise that will not be the case. Spectacular vistas, great roads (O.K., some crappy ones too) and a guarantee that at least once, you will say, "no way, this can't be the place"...
Reading comprehension. Two simple words that Adam pounded into our heads...that will be the difference, those who can read and follow the directions correctly, and those who cannot.
Scoring table butchers...so...whats new?
Bennefit of a doubt from a scorer?hahahahahaha
I'll give you this one.....yeah right!
You start a rally with out any stinkin points,so,if you end with out any,what did you really loose?
Jim,I liked the clown joke...does it taste funny..hahahahaha
challenges;
I wanted to do three in a hack again this year and go for 1500/24 but nothing materialized...Mike E.,still got that vespa rig...now that, would be something....
After last year,theres no more shroud of mystery in the can a 250cc class bike do it...
dont believe a word they say,nice weather,no passport...hahahahahaha
nice roads hahaha..better bring a emergemcy beacon thingy....
Mike, I am so sorry that I ruined all the fun by getting a bike that works. Should I ressurect the DS again to make you happy?
To compensate you, I plan to bring some "No Bozo's" stickers to the rally, just to help you defend yourself. And maybe I can conjure up another good rain storm this year. Lisa says she has an unlimited budget for bad weather, roads, and other bad things for the IBR. I'm sure that Bart has a decent budget for the same, and will want to spend some of it. After all, if he sends us to Iowa, how much worse can it get?
To those disappointed at the very idea of something called "Iowa": Bonus locations cover at least eight different states. If you're not using GPS and a computer, make sure to bring a quality road atlas or lots of state maps.
I have every intention of handing every one of you MF's a shit sandwich most assuredly the CS's doing the scoring.
Any questions now?
ps Paxil is not working !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No wonder the South lost. We have good things to eat like waffles, bacon and sometimes more waffles. Please keep your southern delicacies at home. I believe your presence will be questionable enough.
