This is something written up after too much eggnog...
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE XMAS
By Rumblepurr (with severe apologies to Maj. Henry Livingston Jr. and Clement Clark Moore)
‘Twas the night before Xmas when all through the Yard
Not a creature was stirring, not even the Guard;
The stocking were hung all over the Square
In hopes that old Sandy Claws soon would be there.
The kittens were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of catnip mice rolled in their heads;
And Deme in her gloves and Bomba at my back
We just settled down for a winter’s catnap.
When out on the piles there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the doorway I flew like a flash,
And tripped on my tail and fell flat on my… nose…
The Moon on the slush of the driven on snow
Gave the vision of mudfights that tomorrow will throw.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer…
With a little old driver, so quick and so randy,
I thought for a moment that it was Sir Andy…
More rapid than dachshunds his coursers they came
And he sputtered and shouted and called them by name…
“Now, Muffy! Now, Buffy! Now, Felix and Blackie!
On, Tigger! On, Princess! On, Crystal and Jamie!
To the top of the piles! And over the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!
As dry leaves that blow through the Yard nowadays,
They weaved past the old car as if in a daze,
So up on the trye the coursers they flew,
With a sleigh full of toys and Sandy Claws too.
And then, my head pounding, I heard on the tyre
The huffing and puffing – I knew they were tired…
I slid out the doorway and the ramp I did pass
And from the tire, Sandy Claws fell down on his… tail…
He was dressed all in fur, from his paws to his head,
His colors were all black, not Maccie, who’s red;
A bundle of cat-toys he had on his back,
He looked like Mungojerrie just opening a sack.
His eyes – how they glinted! All red and so glowing…
His tail was a bottlebrush, his mane dark and flowing…
His cruel mouth was drawn up, I think that’s a smile.
And if I am wrong, I’ll be running a mile…
The remains of a leash was held tight in his teeth,
And the collar encircled his neck like a wreath;
He laughed a mean laugh, and my back gave a shiver,
And the ground in the Yard did shake and did quiver.
To think of the Master as a Sandy Claws,
I then had some bad thoughts that did make me pause;
He then winked his eye, and twisted his head,
Soon gave me to know I had something to dread…
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings and his tail gave a jerk,
And scratching the bridge up on top of his nose,
And growling a growl, on the tyre he rose.
He sprang to the sleigh, to the gang blew a note,
And away they all flew somewhat like a tugboat.
But I heard him exclaim with some razz-a-ma-tazz…
“HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND LIKE, ALL OF THAT JAZZ!”
Original found at:
http://www.right.net/christmas/twas-the-night.html
