Hi Girls,
Well, my doctor asked me to another Hpt this am since I was CD 35. I could have told her what it was before I peed on the stick. (ha ha) Oh well. I thought maybe this month, because my Progesterone was 18. But guess not. I was disappointed. I am still waiting for AF to arrive, and I am hoping it will be today!! I can't belive how long I have been waiting for her visit, over 2 weeks now! But she's rude!! She never calls or writes, I hear nothing from her. (ha ha)
I am soooo eager to start my clomid CD3-7 and do my first IUI this month. DH is also getting his morphology repeated when they do the IUI with his "sample". We have been feeding him vit C and other antioxidents, hoping it will improve the abnormal sperm. I'll let you know the outcome of our experiment.
I am back to work now, and it's busy. It's not as hard as I thought. I was soooo scared the nigt before starting work last week. I just cried and cried. I was scared I'd get to the birthing center and just fall apart at seeing all the moms and babies. But, so far I think God is buffering me. I am still getting used to being back in the birthing center, but I am enjoying it. I do find it hard as usual, when I come across women who shouldn't be moms. It pains my heart.
I had 3 patients all under the age of 18 yesturday, and it was hard. I felt emotionally drained. And, because it's a new place of work, I am getting to know the staff, and the staff me. Of coarse, all the other nurses are asking a billion questions, and the inevitible comes up. "So how many kids do you have?"
That's the hard part. I have just started telling them, "none yet, but we hope soon." I had a fellow coworker tell me "you're too young to be worrying about kids, enjoy life for a few years then start trying". I almost slapped her! (ha ha) I think she realized she said something wrong cause I didn't say anything, but just turned and walked away. =) Oh well I can't be friendly to everyone when I'm trying not to cry. (ha ha)
One last thing, on the way home from work yesturday, I had a thought. I have always had a strong relationship with God and He has seen me through many hardships in my life. (rough childhood, parents divorce, etc...) God has always been there for me and no matter how hard or bleak the situation looked, it always seemed to turn out okay. And I heard this little voice in my head saying, "God has never let you down before, why should you start doubting Him now?" Thinking about it, I realized it was right. I believe in miracles and I believe we will get pregnant. I don't know when nor how, but I believe it will happen. I told my husband about my thoughts, and he agreed. I know I'm still going to have my "melt downs" as I call them, and that things may not always be easy. But God has always gotten me through all kinds of difficult things in the past. This one is by far the most difficult time I have ever experienced in my life! But I know God is bigger than infertility, so that makes me feel better. =) And I'll just keep taking it one day at a time, and one cycle at a time, and not give up.
Anyhow girls, I hope all of you are having a good week and enjoying the end of the summer. It goes by way too quickly, huh? You are all in my prayers!
Love Donna
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