As some of Yyou know, i began this lifestyle with my former Master, LotR. What many of Yyou do not know is that LotR struggled to be a part of this lifestyle for me. He saw my interests growing rapidly in a lifestyle He did not understand and was never truly able to grasp. i became torn between a man that i loved and a lifestyle that i needed. it tore me in two, because my love for Him was as strong as my need for this lifestyle. i could not choose one over the other and eventually He chose for Uus both. He set me free, as painful as it was.
Because of this, i have no beneficial real time experience within this lifestyle. i took the responsibility upon myself to learn what i could from Tthose around me because i had no way to obtain formal training from a true Dominant.
learning this lifestyle has not been a difficult process for me, because the main concept simply comes natural. Finding D/s was like going home for the very first time. i found peace, serenity and a greater (much needed) understanding of myself. i found out why i thought the "weird" things that i did and why i wanted to do things that society considered to be abnormal or freakish. i found out that im not abnormal or freakish at all. the most powerful Dominant that i know is Uncle Sam, and Yyou may find amusement by me saying so, but its true... is it not?
Anyway, i know by now Yyou are saying "so what's your point?" so i will get to it.
In 9 days, i will be confronted with everything i've been working so hard to prepare myself for. as time grows closer, i am more and more nervous... terrified of failure. not because i fear that i will be a failure in the eyes of my One, but because im terrified of failing myself. i mean, living this lifestyle online is easy... right? the transition to real time is the true test. i don't feel the need to be outright formal about my submission but i do feel somewhat nervous about giving up control to a man i've not yet met.
i know that many of Yyou have already made this transition and i am wondering if any would mind to share experiences with me. i am thinking that maybe this will help me to know more of what to expect and how to be better prepared. or am i simply worrying too much? D/s is natural, my submission is natural... maybe when the time comes... everything simply falls into place. or does it?
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