Let's take a definition. Got one? It's a particular thing...a definition that sets that thing apart from other things, so there is very little confusion about whether thing "a" fits into our definition or not. Got it?
Of course not, that was vague and confusing. So here we go.
Fruit. What is fruit? Let's see. According to www.websters.com:
fruit (froot)
n. pl. fruit or fruits
1. a. The ripened ovary or ovaries of a seed-bearing plant, together with accessory parts, containing the seeds and occurring in a wide variety of forms.
b. An edible, usually sweet and fleshy form of such a structure.
c. A part or an amount of such a plant product, served as food: fruit for dessert.
2. The fertile, often spore-bearing structure of a plant that does not bear seeds.
3. A plant crop or product: the fruits of the earth.
4. Result; outcome:the fruit of their labor.
5. Offspring; progeny.
6. A fruity aroma or flavor in a wine.
7.Offensive Slang. Used as a disparaging term for a homosexual man.
intr. & tr.v. fruit·ed, fruit·ing, fruits
To produce or cause to produce fruit.
So we have a definition. Let's stick with definition 1. We are talking scientific type...not descriptive uses of the word but the scientific analysis category that lets you look at something and say "is this a fruit?"
Now. We've defined a word. Let's look at...planty offspring type thingies, and decide if they are fruit, shall we?
Potatoes - nope. No seeds.
Carrots? Ditto.
What about apples? Yes, Apples are fruits.
What about...~gasp~ Tomatoes! Yep. Tomatoes are fruits.
~Wait, I don't think tomatoes are fruits. They can't be. That's not a fruit~
Yes, it is. Trust me. Read the definition. It's a fruit.
So are green peppers. ~no they aren't~ YES, they are. They are fruits. Re-read the definition, ok? We have a definition.
~But...I don't green peppers are fruits.~ Well, didn't we just agree on a definition? ~Yes, but...honestly. REALLY. That's not a fruit.~
And finally...eggplants are fruits. ~no, no no. They are NOT fruits. I like fruit salad and I would NEVER put eggplant in fruit salad~ Um...did our definition of fruit say anything about fruit salad. They are fruits. ~No, they aren't~ Why not? ~because I do NOT LIKE eggplants. And I like fruit.~
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Remind you of anything? We have a term, a descriptive term, for activities and behaviors we enjoy. We almost all of us use it. It's an umbrella term. It's a "category" term. It's one of those terms, like fruit, w/ a definition. And through that definition, we can decide whether something is, or is not, that word.
The term I'm thinking of is BDSM.
Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and submission, Sado-Masochism.
That's the term, that's the definition. We can go further, and define the subsets.
Bondage - restraint through physical or mental means.
Discipline - (I looked this one up) Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.
Control obtained by enforcing compliance or order.
A systematic method to obtain obedience
A state of order based on submission to rules and authority
Punishment intended to correct or train.
Dominance The condition or fact of being dominant.
Dominant
Exercising the most influence or control.
Most prominent, as in position; ascendant.
submission The act of submitting to the power of another
submit
To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.
To subject to a condition or process.
To commit (something) to the consideration or judgment of another
To give in to the authority, power, or desires of another.
To allow oneself to be subjected to something.
SadoMasochism the deriving of pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting or submitting to physical or emotional pain.
Okay, so now, I've thoroughly cheated. I picked over the varieties of definitions of some of these terms, but that was because there are particular things that apply to the actions we are describing, and others that don't. To submit does NOT mean to present to someone for appraisal, such as to submit a bid. Not here. I also swapped out the word abuse with pain in regards to sadomasochism, because abuse has connotations of negativity.
So now I've defeated the purpose of my essay, even in the writing of it. What I meant to show is that...
we have a definition...an umbrella. A category. And then we have people saying "there are some people that are into it just for the sex, but that's not BDSM"
But...yes, it is. Our definition doesn't have to say we like everything under the umbrella. It just gives categories. It just says "if it qualifies as one of these things, it's BDSM."
One of my pet peeves is "that's not BDSM."
Most of the time, what the speaker means is "that's not MY kind of BDSM", "that is not commonly accepted in the BDSM lifestyle", or "that's not consensual, or safe BDSM."
"That's not the kind of BDSM that I practice."
But it doesn't mean it's not BDSM - just because...you don't like it. You never would have considered it...(see the fruit salad thing above) or because it seems unusual.
If you want to define something to someone...that's fine. Make sure you know what you are defining. Are you defining...your style of BDSM? Consensual BDSM? Commonly accepted lifestyle BDSM practices? (If so, how much do you know to know if it is commonly accepted.)
The 18 year old girl who bites her boyfriend's neck and rakes his back...and makes him cum...is practicing BDSM, whether she realizes it or not. Mildness is not part of the definition. If the pain turns him on...it's SadoMasochism.
And the sick perverted fuck who sits at home, and kidnaps, molests, and kills victims, hard as a rock and getting his jollies off at the same times...that's BDSM too. We wish it weren't, but our definition isn't about what we approve and disapprove of...it's an umbrella.
If you don't want someone under your umbrella, pick another umbrella.
~That's not my kind of BDSM.
~That's not CONSENSUAL BDSM.
~That is PURELY SEXUAL BDSM, as opposed to the more psychological and emotional power exchange...of Dominance and submission.
Please?
I always couch my terms, always qualify, always try to be precise. Because if I let someone under my umbrella...I know it's my fault...for not clarifying my definitions.
~R
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