NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect anybody as President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories including New Jersey.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with the following acts:

1... Look up "revocation" in the now official Oxford Dictionary (75 £). Start spelling English words correctly.

2. Learn at least the first four lines of "God Save The Queen."

3. Start referring to "soccer" as football.

4. Declare war on Quebec and France.

5. Arrest Mel Gibson for treason.

6. Close down the NFL. Learn to play rugby.

7. Enjoy warm flat beer and steak and kidney pudding. Train waitresses to be more aggressive with customers and not to tell you their names before you eat.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday; this has been replaced with November 5th.

9. All members of this British Crown Dependency will be required to take six weeks’ annual vacation and observe statutory tea breaks.

10. Driving on the left is now compulsory - recall all cars to effect the change immediately.

11. Report to our Consulate General in NY - M Wragg - for your new passport and job allocation.

12. Have Meg Ryan report to the Prince Andrew's Bedchamber.

13. Add the Royal insignia to the top of the Washington Monument – and the Queen's Christmas speeches to the Lincoln Memorial.

14. Stop referring to the World Series of Baseball and instead call it the National Series of USA, Cuba and Japan.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your co-operation and have a nice day!

How about this:
1. We take pride in spelling American words - not English words.

2. Most Americans don't know four lines of the Star Spangled Banner..

3. Don't call soccer football, just ban soccer.

4. Ok, I can go for that one.

5. Don't arrest Mel, I liked the Road Warrior Movies.

6. Close the NFL - are you nuts? Keep the NFL and do away with all those stupid pads and rules. THEN you'd have a game. Oh, that might be Rugby..

7. I like warm flat beer and steak (but I am German after all). Don't worry, we have plenty of rude wait-persons...

8. July 4th will always stand...to remember what a few properly motivated Americans and their rifles can do...

9. six weeks vacation sounds good. Coffee time though, not Tea time..

10. Try driving in my neighborhood.

11. You can keep NY

12. You can keep her to

13. I have a royal insignia for you.

14. Baseball sucks...almost as bad as soccer.

15. ok, but deduct the money for all the wars the US has paid for.


That's better!