Emily,
Remember that the Lord is merciful and regardless of the sins you have committed, the Lord will still forgive you. In the scriptures He tells us that there is only one thing that cannot be forgiven. That means everything else can and will be forgiven if your heart is right. It sounds like you have the desire to do what is right. That's all it takes.....desire, let that desire work in you and forgiveness will come. Here are two of my favorite scriptures that help me when I feel like I can't be forgiven.
John 3:16 "For God so loved the World, that he gave his only begotten son. And whosoever believeth Him shall not perish but have everlasting life".
I know that you believe in Christ because of your desire to do the right thing. My second favorite modern day scripture is this:
Doctrine & Covenants 3:10 "But remember God is merciful, therefor repent of that thing which thou hast done which is contrary to the commandment I have given you. And thou art still chosen, and again called to the work".
Emily, it sounds like you just need a little refresher on how repentance works. I suggest calling the missionaries in your area and have them review the steps with you. They can also let you know where the closest LDS church building would be and who to contact.
Emily, With all my heart I send my love and appreciation for sharing your feelings with me. I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I know from personal experience that Christ's overwhelming forgiveness and love, we can find that love again. I know Jesus Christ is our Savior and that through him we can find forgiveness, and return to live with him.
With love,
Brian Raines
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