Working at a bar has given me a lot of perspective on how people change when drinking. Some of it has been really amusing, but I have noticed an irritating trend in some of the men who come in. They look at my left ring finger and say "No ring, I got a chance!" When I tell them I am in a serious relationship, they respond with: "Well, you're not married, so I still have a chance, right?" I then usually go into a long speech detailing Paul's virtues and how not only do I love him, but I LIKE him too. After all this, these guys act offended that I am not interested and that I have no desire to cheat on my boyfriend.
Now this situation perplexes me; What difference does a wedding ring really mean to these guys? A ring doesn't protect against infidelity, right? If someone is going to cheat on his or her significant other, wouldn't they do it regardless? Why would they think I'd be any more likely to cheat just because Paul and I aren't married?

"In my long and colourful career, one thing stands out; I have been misunderstood." - Mae West

" What difference does a wedding ring really mean to these guys? "

If they intend to win you over to become your real boyfriend, a ring might show them that they would have to go through a hard time of divorce with you, money issues, you possibly changing your mind every now and then whether or not you really want that divorce, dealing with a husband who does not want to throw it all away so easily, maybe threatening them, etc.

And that's too much of a work to do for those interested in you. And that may be why their limit is a wedding ring. Maybe there are still some morals in them when they see a ring.

Their response "Well, you're not married, so I still have a chance, right?" I think is maybe born of helplessness after you told them you are in a serious relationship. They might not be able to say "sorry, then" and just go away and thank you for the talk. Too proud to be a stallion, you know.

These are just my thoughts.

Holger

with no ring there is no public commitment, right? You can still change your mind. If you're wearing an engagement or wedding ring, they figure you've made up your mind - but until then there's always a chance.

Now if we're talking about "one nice night" then your analysis is correct. But really, if you're just dating someone, not married or engaged, and a guy at work finds you attractive, can you really fault him for thinking perhaps he has the opportunity to throw his hat in the ring? And if you're not engaged or married, aren't you reserving the right to change your mind about the relationship? Maybe someday a guy walks into the bar and you develop a rapport with him and decide you like him as much or more than Paul. Why couldn't you decide to end your relationship with Paul and go for the new guy? No one's saying you have to, or would, cheat on your current boyfriend.

Yes, I am traditional here. But that's what I see as the purpose of getting married. You make the choice that this is the last person you will date and you tell everyone. Until then, its a testament to the ever lasting optimism of men that they see the chance to get you to change your mind and dump your guy for them.

I bet it would be annoying. But turn it around and take it as a compliment that they find you attractive. Even if you weren't dating a wonderful guy, would you really go out with very many of the guys you meet there? Just roll your eyes like you really want to and chalk it up to overblown ego.

Jen, sometimes I live so much in my own world, I am really confused when other people don't get what I am saying. It's always nice to have a fresh perspective. It keeps my mind open.


"In my long and colourful career, one thing stands out; I have been misunderstood." - Mae West